A Little Honesty

Audio Version

I have read many times for one to be a writer, you must write. Write something every day. It doesn’t matter what you write, just write. Uh, right. What about when you are not inspired to write or when you draw a blank? Are you still a writer. I mean, after all, you are not writing. You are just sitting there looking at a blank screen. Your eyes are staring at the blinking cursor and your brain is doing the same. Just blinking like it is buffering while you have the haunting feeling that you have written everything out that you had within you and there is nothing left.

To say the least, it is depressing. But I also find that I am in this state when I am depressed. Yes, depression and I are well acquainted. I could just dismiss it as the moods and minds of creatives. Yet, I know me enough to know that it goes deeper than that. It even goes deeper than just being unchallenged. I know it revolves around significance.

Don’t get me wrong. I fully believe if God had nothing else left for me to do on this earth, He would take me home. I look back on how God has moved in my life and has used me. When I mean significance, I mean, am I making a difference with what I have left; am I on target for what I am supposed to be doing or am I way off track? The depression is a signal that I am off track and have let myself become distracted.

I was cleaning my office recently when I came across a piece of paper where I had written what I believed was success in my life. It read, “Success to me means leading my family to a point of faith in God and helping them know Him intimately. Leading by example, my legacy would be one of wisdom, love, and encouragement.”

My biggest obstacle in life is that I allow myself to become overextended and allow myself to be entangled with the worries of the world. Then, I take my eyes off Jesus and look at my circumstances instead of Him. A big mistake every time. Yes, it is true. Relationships take work, even when that relationship is with the creator, sustainer, and savior of the world.

My greatest depression comes when I live my life apart from Him. Because when I don’t stay focused on Him, the rejections for auditions hurt more, the unanswered texts slight more; the unfinished projects pull more; and the seemingly insurmountable obligations scream more. But when they are examined in light of a right eternity and in the Master’s hand, they are shown for what they really are: fuel for my success.

Bottom line:

  • Depression is real, for a number of reasons.
  • You can’t trust your emotions.
  • You only see one side of your circumstances.
  • God is faithful even when you are not.
  • Valleys are always between two mountains. Keep moving.
  • God loves you and has not given up on you. Don’t give up on Him.

Do. Create. Achieve.

A poem of encouragement for my daughters and any other woman who faces the doubts of worthiness. God loves you and you are worthy of His love and what He has called you to. Go in His strength.

She placed her wager, she placed her bid,

She thought she could and so she did.

Then fears and doubts raised their ugly head,

They filled her with anxiety, panic, worry, dread.

What if she faltered, perhaps even failed?

What if she worked so hard, but to no avail?

She was born for this, this she knew,

This was her destiny God called her to.

She felt her heart tug again, as a little girl,

“Follow me, my child, and change the world.

I have not called you this far to leave you alone,

You don’t have to change the world on your own.”

She dug deep, resolved to fight her way through.

With the strength of God, her belief renewed.

“I won’t give up!” she cried through her tears.

“I refuse to waste all this work, all these years.”

She checked her plans, she wrote her lists,

With inner strength and with clenched fists,

She faced her fears, she faced her doubt,

And punched them both in the mouth.

She knew she could, she still believed,

Now it was time to do, create, achieve.