A Little Honesty

I have read many times for one to be a writer, you must write. Write something every day. It doesn’t matter what you write, just write. Uh, right. What about when you are not inspired to write or when you draw a blank? Are you still a writer. I mean, after all, you are not writing. You are just sitting there looking at a blank screen. Your eyes are staring at the blinking cursor and your brain is doing the same. Just blinking like it is buffering while you have the haunting feeling that you have written everything out that you had within you and there is nothing left.

To say the least, it is depressing. But I also find that I am in this state when I am depressed. Yes, depression and I are well acquainted. I could just dismiss it as the moods and minds of creatives. Yet, I know me enough to know that it goes deeper than that. It even goes deeper than just being unchallenged. I know it revolves around significance.

Don’t get me wrong. I fully believe if God had nothing else left for me to do on this earth, He would take me home. I look back on how God has moved in my life and has used me. When I mean significance, I mean, am I making a difference with what I have left; am I on target for what I am supposed to be doing or am I way off track? The depression is a signal that I am off track and have let myself become distracted.

I was cleaning my office recently when I came across a piece of paper where I had written what I believed was success in my life. It read, “Success to me means leading my family to a point of faith in God and helping them know Him intimately. Leading by example, my legacy would be one of wisdom, love, and encouragement.”

My biggest obstacle in life is that I allow myself to become overextended and allow myself to be entangled with the worries of the world. Then, I take my eyes off Jesus and look at my circumstances instead of Him. A big mistake every time. Yes, it is true. Relationships take work, even when that relationship is with the creator, sustainer, and savior of the world.

My greatest depression comes when I live my life apart from Him. Because when I don’t stay focused on Him, the rejections for auditions hurt more, the unanswered texts slight more; the unfinished projects pull more; and the seemingly insurmountable obligations scream more. But when they are examined in light of a right eternity and in the Master’s hand, they are shown for what they really are: fuel for my success.

Bottom line:

  • Depression is real, for a number of reasons.
  • You can’t trust your emotions.
  • You only see one side of your circumstances.
  • God is faithful even when you are not.
  • Valleys are always between two mountains. Keep moving.
  • God loves you and has not given up on you. Don’t give up on Him.

5 thoughts on “A Little Honesty

  1. Linda Tillis

    Thank you for sharing. I needed to see this today. I, too, am struggling with a “new normal”. Caring for my husband now requires my full attention. In the past, writing meant going into the office, putting in ear plugs, and staying for hours. That is not possible now. Acceptance of this is causing me to deal with anger, shame, and a myriad of emotions in-between. I have to make myself stop and pray to clear my head. But, to use one of what my children call my mother-lines, this too, shall pass. As long as I remember who is really in charge (and I have to remind myself often), all will be well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Linda,

      Thanks for your “little honesty” as well. Oh, how many times I have said “this has come to pass. It didn’t come to stay.” Please know you are prayed for on a regular basis as “I thank my God in all my remembrance of you.” Phil. 1:3.

      Like

  2. sheshirl46

    T.J. you have hit the nail on the head for me today. I really needed your insight and thoughts on depression and I, too, have realized that the enemy is trying to allow me to get distracted so I cannot serve Jesus the way I need to do so.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s one of his greatest and most effective tools. Thank you for the comment. Too often we feel alone in our pain and suffering, and no one else feels this way, but God never intended for this to be.

    Like

  4. Carol Ann

    YES! You have stated what so many are thinking! Depression is a real battle. It’s almost like good and evil are having a fist fight in your brain. There are days where nothing I do is right, or so the evil tells me. There are days where things plug along as they should. Then, there are those days where you look up, and see God’s handiwork in the brilliant blue sky, or in the soft rain that feeds the plants. I see God every time I look at my children. They are the greatest blessing. They are also my greatest teachers and anti depressants. It always amazes me that God looked at me and said, yes, give her two beautiful children to raise. She is worthy. I thank Him every day for that!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s